First off, if you love someone then I am your #1 cheerleader over here. Love is all that matters in our lifetime. Your love for them will absolutely make their life better and more meaningful. I am over here clapping and saying, "Keep up the love!!! More love!"
Regarding this wonderful, amazing person you love:
Why do you want them to lose weight?
Figure out your why. And be really honest with yourself. Is it for appearance reasons? Is it because it makes you feel bad for them? Are you scared they will be made fun of or hurt because of their weight? Is it because you are incredibly worried about their health? Is it because they are worried about their weight?
What is your real reason for wanting them to lose weight? There’s no bad reason, just acknowledge it and move on.
2. What can’t you control?
You can’t get this person you love so dearly to lose weight (I know that can be hard to hear). You can’t control the food they eat or their portion size (and if you do, you shouldn’t). You cannot put them on a diet. You absolutely cannot fix their weight to what you think it should be. I know our culture makes it seem like that is possible and you should encourage them to do that, but it is a fruitless endeavor.
3. What can you control?
You can learn about fatphobia, weight stigma, intuitive eating, and the anti diet movement! You can learn about why focusing on your loved one's weight loss has become a normalized way of showing your love. You can learn the damage (physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally) it causes to prioritize someone’s weight as being good or bad and how focusing on it does not promote healthy behaviors you hope for long term. You can get informed and stay informed!
4. What do you do next?
Celebrate that you care about this person. Think about ways you show you care to people in your life who you don’t think need to lose weight. Show that same care to this person you love. Be patient and kind when they make a mistake. Be loving and understanding when they have a bad day. Show up for them when they need support. Go out of your way to check in with them about their day. And leave your weight worries for them behind. They were never yours to keep, and your load will have more space for what really matters- your love.
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