I've been there. Looking at myself as I try on clothes for my cousin's wedding, in the dressing room of a store wondering how I got to be the size I am. Shame and fat spilling out of the dress I can't quite zip. Wondering if I should just leave the store and try to forget this happened or go up a size or two (or three) so I can have a dress that fits.
That experience offers an opportunity most of us quickly pass up, an opportunity to look inward and face the pain we experienced alone in the dressing room-head on.
Tip #1 - Leave the store.
There is no need to continue to berate yourself for hating how you look in clothes this very instant. Just get out of there and into the sunshine of the day if you can.
Tip #2 - Get in your car (or walk it out) and breathe.
Your body has changed and that's ok. Beating yourself up about it will only make it worse. ONLY. MAKE. IT. WORSE. Instead try saying this, "my body has changed AND I have...(fill in the blank with something you have done that you are proud of since your body has changed)."
Examples: My body has changed and I have been getting out for walks during lunch. My body has changed and I have been nursing my baby. My body has changed and I have been learning about intuitive eating. My body has changed and I have been honoring the grief I feel over my dad's passing.
Why do I want you to try this: Because your life and worth and personhood cannot be summed up by the size of dress you wear to your cousin's wedding...but in moments like this we can get really stuck in our heads and down on ourselves.
Tip #3 - Stay out of the store and think more.
Time to think about a woman or man that is a role model for you. Do you look up to them because of the size of the dress they wear? The cloth that covers their skin? The size of their arms or waist? Think about one or two people you hope to emulate and what about them that attracts you to them.
Consider that you might be that role model for someone else. Someone else might look up to you and find you so very admirable. Consider that what they love about you has very (read: nothing) to do with the cloth that covers your skin, but rather the qualities of WHO. YOU. ARE.
Tip #4 - Go back in the store. It's game time.
You need to go back in the store and buy the dress, with confidence (you are a role model after all). You are worthy of wearing a nice dress that you feel comfortable and happy in, and to be frank, who gives a hell what size it is? No one. That dress is working for your approval, not the other way around. Choose dresses at least a size or two bigger than you normally would and let them try to impress you. Remember, people love you for who you are, not the cloth on your skin. That is only a cover to the most incredible book- YOU!
Essential Questions: Can I eat in this dress? Can I move my arms and dance in this dress? Can I sit in this dress? Can I wear this dress without spending the evening thinking about how I look in this dress?
Tip #5 - Finish strong. Eat.
Change the narrative on your body. Sure, you can keep hating it, but save all that hate for another day. For now, for today, give yourself a compliment or two. It won't hurt. It won't make you go up a size. Offer yourself a little compassion for your imperfectly perfect body that helps you hug, kiss, love, and express your unique YOU in this world.
Go and eat something that satisfies you when you are hungry. Often after shopping we look food in the eye and call it "enemy." It's not your enemy. You deserve to be fed and feel fully satisfied by the crunchy, warm, smooth, creamy, spicy food that you want to eat.
Bodies Change
Your body should change. It will change. It is working hard for you each day, give it some respect and love by dressing it in comfortable clothes. Go out of your way to treat yourself with the same kindness you would treat your best friend.
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