Grief and Your Body

The 5 stages of grief identified by Elizabeth Kubler Ross are:

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

Grief counselors agree that rather than moving from one to five in order, most people jump around until they reach a general acceptance. Even then, it is never officially complete.

How could we inspire the next generation to recognize it is ok to experience grief over our ever changing bodies?

And at some point, we will grieve our bodies. They are not meant to last forever or always look the same (yes, your wrinkles and rolls are normal).

Each day they are changing, rearranging, growing, shrinking, and embodying our needs to serve a greater purpose.

So how can we prepare ourselves for the grief we will inevitably experience:

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Shared grief.

Know and trust that each human grieves over their body. Some grieve because of sickness. Some grieve because of how their body looks. Some grieve because of how it feels in clothes. This is a shared experience of our humanity. If you are grieving over a certain aspect of your body right now, please know you are not alone, but connected to all of humanity.

2. Understand grief.

I wish I could explain grief as a simple checklist! But as C.S. Lewis wisely shared, “ Pain is the chisel God uses to shape your soul.” Grief, part of human pain, tends to ebb and flow, and as we ride it out we will learn new things about why we were so intentionally and carefully put on this earth. Your grief is an essential piece of your humanity.

3. Accept grief.

Let the grief wash over you when it comes and accept it. Trying to avoid it, ignore it, or manhandle it through plastic surgery or signing up for Noom won’t kill the grief. Trying to learn every last thing about nutrition or micromanage every last calorie or type of food that enters your body will only prolong the grief. Your grief won't last forever.

4. Talk to your grief.

If you had a loving and kind grandmother, talk to your grief like she would speak to you. Tell your grief that it is welcome to come and stay for as long as it would like. That you will offer it validation, love, acceptance, and kindness. And when it leaves and grows into acceptance, you will be so joyful to watch it grow and change.

The more we try to avoid pain, the more pain seeks us out. Avoidance certainly looks enticing. But when it comes to dealing with difficulties in life, it is better to face it head on with courage, knowing that it will lose its white knuckled grip of power if we just invite it in and let it stay a while. Grieving over your body works the same way.

I am off to go and grieve my ever increasing gray hairs.

Thanks for thinking about this with me.