My kids love sugar. They revel in the glories of Halloween as they walk around with their prize candy for saying three simple words "trick or treat." If you think sugar is bad, my kids would make you very nervous. In fact, people make comments all the time about my kids' eating and their bodies.
"Wow, you really do like pizza don't you! You have eaten more than me! Are you sure she isn't full? She is going to get sick!"- a well meaning family member
"Eat one more bite of green beans and you can have dessert."- another well meaning family member
"Don't kids need to learn how to eat foods that are nutritious before eating foods that are bad for you?"- yet another well meaning family member.
"Well, it looks like you don't have to stop this intuitive eating business because your daughter is so thin and athletic looking!"- you get the idea.
I get that it is totally weird that we serve dessert with dinner. But in our family, that means we are saying both foods are equal. One is a fun, play food that will bring great joy to our tastebuds (cue the caramel brownies) and one will help us stay full and satisfied (cue a turkey sandwich here). I get that this level of trust in our children to eat relatively well balanced meals by listening to their bodies is counter cultural to the extreme. I am willing to hear out the other side because for 30 years of my life I was the other side.
I also get that most people will think my children are healthy when they look at them and see they are "thin" or "not overweight." But that simply doesn't stand up to research. How my children look and what you see them eat is not a full picture of their physical health.
But let's take the often fraught emotional topic of food and body off the table...
Does my family care if I micromanage the type of toys my kids play with?
"No you cannot play with the slime until you spend twenty minutes playing with the wooden Montessori toy I got on Etsy. We all know those toys are better for your brain and health!"
Does my family make comments about the books I read with my kids?
"You really should consider reading the nonfiction book first at bedtime. You wouldn't want your kids to get spoiled by the fun, easy to read Dr. Seuss books before they learn the nuts and bolts of how the weather works!"
One last one...
Does my family make comments about the activities I choose to do with my kids?
"Remember that wholesome activities like visiting the library and science museum should be the priority over silly, fun like going to a birthday party!"
I can assure you I have never received advice on any of the above topics that would come even close to the advice I have received about how my children should look and how and what they should eat.
My family is incredible, truly. They are loving, supportive, kind, and want the best for my children. So, the challenge here is to think about how I can communicate that I would like them to treat my children's bodies and their food choices the same way they treat everything else. The conversation does not have to be about finger pointing or hurtful accusations. Perhaps the conversation can start as a simple, "I know this is weird, but for now, if you could hold off on commenting on (fill in the blank)...that would be truly more helpful than you know!" Start the conversation. You will thank yourself!
As always, thanks for thinking about this with me.
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