Dear Phone,
We have had so many good times together! Remember the time your bright screen got me through countless hours of nursing with game after game of Tetris? Or the time I couldn’t sleep when the kids were sick and watched an entire season of Working Moms ? So often as I stare in your face I smile, laugh, reconsider, apologize, and “like” and “love.” You are often easier to be with than other people. You don’t ask anything of me. You just give, and give, and give.
And yet, we also have our moments, don’t we?
When you notify me on Sundays how much time I have committed to our relationship this week and I look at you like a giant, addicting time suck. Or that time that you reported at the beginning of covid about masks, deaths, cleaning my groceries and staying inside. You were even there when my brother texted me to rush to hospice to say goodbye to my dad. I haven’t always liked what you have had to say. And frankly, sometimes you say too much.
One of my biggest takeaways about our time together is that with you, I don’t need to worry so much about trusting my gut- you are my gut.
You can tell me if something is good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, toxic or probably toxic. I don’t need to worry so much about remembering to pray, you remind me to do that on my prayer apps. You remind me at noon everyday to take a deep breath through my breathe app. You help me to get my kids to sleep with your sleep stories. With you, I don't need to think.
I really love and appreciate you. I also kinda hate you. I can’t really live with you, but I somehow can’t live without you. I feel strongly both ways. Never in my life has an unliving thing had such a consistent pull on me as you. And that’s why I know, we have to set some tough boundaries. It’s time.
Before we do, just know I am a little scared. You always make me feel like I am in control, even when I know I am not. What if I get a flat tire without you? What if there is an emergency with the babysitter? What if I miss an email or forget totext someone back? What if…
But also….
What if it all works out? What if I start to notice what I stopped noticing, subtly, before you were around? What if I discover something new? What if I reach out to God in prayer spontaneously, gratefulness springing naturally from my heart? What if I discover less urgency, less anxiety, less fear mongering, and WAY less reminders? What if my relationships grow in a new (less phoney) way? What if it quietly becomes ok to not be up to date, all the time?
So from now on it is…Less of you, more of me. Less of you, more of others.
We need time apart.
While I work on taking charge, you can sit on the charger at home and enjoy a much deserved vacation.
Love,
Kate
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